hide away
in my box
a safety net
with keys and locks
he can't reach me
nothing hurts

what can't be seen
and can't be touched
can't be real
the light’s too much

shy away
in this fort
with my snacks
i'm running short
to venture out
to eat or pee
spells danger, monsters
i can't leave

why’d i stay with him so long?
in this prison cell
with soothing songs
to keep me in
and drown him out
false sense of safety
securely doubt

i’ll leave i’d say
and i’d run far
out the door
and past the lawns
i’d bring some clothes, some food, and go
i’d bring essentials, only those
i dream of life without his voice
without his rules, just by my choice
without his yelling, his strange behavior
impulsive actions, his risky nature

and yet it is but a dream
invisible strings hold me back, you see
blood is thicker than water they say
it coagulates and forms thick chains
and though i know of an escape
i'm held back from taking it
it whispers doubts into my ear
outside’s unknown, the apartment here
is shitty and dirty and unkept and unclean
and makes you feel all these terrible things
but it's familiar and familiar doesn’t give fear
save for the times it does, my dear

and so i'm caught in states of limbo
with chance of escape and someone to turn to
except for the fact that part of me still
wants to stay here and do what i do
clean the same house and bear the same voice
feel the same hurt the same rage the small joys
and the joys they keep me coming back to this place
a dog that’s been whipped and given treats will obey
and like a dog i will sit and i’ll eat and i’ll fetch
i’ll do laundry and list inventory and edge
ever closer to despair and eventual demise
cowardly as it is, i fear for my life
is it irrational of me? is that much at stake?
...would it matter if it were my life he’d take?
of course that is silly
he wouldn’t cross that line
that doesn’t excuse my not having a spine

oh someone tell me what decision to make