hide away
in my box
a safety net
with keys and locks
he can't reach me
nothing hurts

what can't be seen
and can't be touched
can't be real
the light’s too much

shy away
in this fort with my snacks i'm running short to venture out to eat or pee spells danger, monsters i can't leave

why’d i stay with him so long? in this prison cell with soothing songs to keep me in and drown him out false sense of safety securely doubt

i’ll leave i’d say and i’d run far out the door and past the lawns i’d bring some clothes, some food, and go i’d bring essentials, only those i dream of life without his voice without his rules, just by my choice without his yelling, his strange behavior impulsive actions, his risky nature

and yet it is but a dream invisible strings hold me back, you see blood is thicker than water they say it coagulates and forms thick chains and though i know of an escape i'm held back from taking it it whispers doubts into my ear outside’s unknown, the apartment here is shitty and dirty and unkept and unclean and makes you feel all these terrible things but it's familiar and familiar doesn’t give fear save for the times it does, my dear

and so i'm caught in states of limbo with chance of escape and someone to turn to except for the fact that part of me still wants to stay here and do what i do clean the same house and bear the same voice feel the same hurt the same rage the small joys and the joys they keep me coming back to this place a dog that’s been whipped and given treats will obey and like a dog i will sit and i’ll eat and i’ll fetch i’ll do laundry and list inventory and edge ever closer to despair and eventual demise cowardly as it is, i fear for my life is it irrational of me? is that much at stake? ...would it matter if it were my life he’d take? of course that is silly he wouldn’t cross that line that doesn’t excuse my not having a spine

oh someone tell me what decision to make